Some Clean Football Jokes

and Quotes

If you got a clean football joke send it !

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Winning all the time is not necessarily good for the team

John Toshack

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Arsene Wenger
"From my position in the dug-out I did not see the incident clearly so I cannot really comment. However, I do think that he gets picked on by opposition players and fans who are clearly chickenophobic."

David O'Leary
"To be fair, he's just a baby chicken really and crossing the road is just a big exciting adventure for him. He'll enjoy the experience as long as it lasts and learn from it, but I don't seriously expect him to cross it this season."

Alex Ferguson
"As far as I'm concerned he crossed the road at least a minute early according to my watch."

George Graham
"I want good, solid team of chickens who'll cross the road in a straight line when they're told and how they're told. There's no room at this club for a prima donna chicken running around aimlessly - he's not worth it!"

Gianluca Vialli
"When the fish are down, he'll just be one of the chaps. It doesn't matter to me whether he's an Italian, French or English chicken as long as he's willing to die on the pitch."

Peter Reid
"Just cross the f***ing road, you chicken f***!"

Glenn Hoddle
"The chicken was hit by the lorry when crossing the road because in a previous life it had been a bad chicken."

Brian Clough
"If God had wanted chickens to cross roads he'd have put corn in the tarmac. Anyway, I'm more interested in Wild Turkey."

Ron Atkinson
"Spotter's badge, Clive. For me, Chicko's popped up at the back stick, little eyebrows, and gone bang! And I'll tell you what - I've got a sneaking feeling that this road's there to be crossed."

Ruud Gullit
"I am hoping to see some sexy poultry."

Gordon Strachan
"I'm really proud of the wee fella. Let's face it, if it had been one of the big chickens everyone would be saying how well he'd done, but as it's one of the wee chickens it must be luck."

John Gregory
"Two months ago that chicken was saying he was happy here. Now he tells me he wants to cross the road. I feel like shooting him."

Kevin Keegan
"OK, so the chicken's dead, but I still feel, hey, he can go all the way to the other side of the road."

Joe Royle
"I can't understand why they're letting female chickens cross roads these days. They should be at home laying eggs."

Bobby Robson
"Goose, what turkey, is there a duck somewhere, where am I?"

Kid In A Sports Shop Joke
A Man U fan about 8 years old goes into sports shop to buy this Man U football he as seen in the window. Anyway he doesn’t know how much it is so he asks the shop assistant behind the counter. The assistant says, “its £25 matey.”
The little boy replies, “I have only got £5 pocket money”, so the assistant says “sorry but you will have to save up then.”

So the boy thinks and says to the assistant “I will do you a deal. Blind fold me and pick any football off that shelf and I bet I can guess what football team is on the ball. If I get it right you have to give me the Man U ball.”

So the assistant thinks go on then he is only young. So he blind folds the little lad and he gets the ball off the shelf, puts it in front of the boys face and the boy shouts, “its Wolves!” The assistant in shock says, “How did you know that?”

The boy says, “I could hear the sound of a pack of wolves in the woods.” So the assistant says “Wow. Ok matey, let’s have another go.”
So he gets a ball from the shelf puts it in front of the boys face. The boy shouts “its Arsenal!”
The assistant says, “Wow, how did you get that?” The boy says, “I could hear the guns on a bloody war field.”

The assistant in total shock says, “Right, get this one and you can have the ball and the Beckham boots.” So he gets the ball puts it in front of the boys face. The boy shouts “its West Ham United.”
“Jesus! How did you get that one?” says the assistant.
The boy says, “Well, it’s going down.”

Football Wedding

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"

The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."

"What do you call it?"

"We call it a football wedding."

The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"

The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

Empty Seat

A Manchester United fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Old Trafford Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.

The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Busby days, but now my wife is dead."

The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.

"Oh no." the guy said. "They're all at the funeral."

Football Math Test

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

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